![]() ![]() Many years after one family had started this family ritual, one of their teens had a day when he was certain that everything about life was “terrible.” His mom said, “Go back and read our journal. The journal helps everyone in the family keep things in perspective. Create a family journal where each member writes down something that happened during the day that made them feel glad or grateful. A study has shown that people who take the time before bed to write down 3 things for which they are grateful are more optimistic, resilient and emotionally healthy. Take time every night to be grateful: It’s too easy to take the positive things that happen every day for granted. ![]() I like to imagine they will do the same thing with their kids some day. All this is done in the spirit of adventure and fun. When they get home, they figure out how to cook it and try it. Each week, one of the kids gets to choose a food that no one in the family has ever eaten before. One mom I know takes her kids with her to do grocery shopping. If done with a light heart and a sense of adventure, almost any activity can become memorable. That doesn’t mean you have to spend tons of money or go somewhere special (though, if you can afford it now and then, that’s fun too). Go on adventures: Unusual adventures tend to stand out in people’s memories.It’s up to us to notice and to share in their excitement. To a growing child, there are new and important things happening every day. But if you stop to look at it together, comment on how many legs it has, try to get it to hop on a stick, wonder aloud whether it has a family, etc. Is it just a bug? Or is it a BUG? If you walk by, it’s not memorable. Make a big deal about little things: Your child sees a bug.Happy times with their parents build kids’ confidence and feelings of self-worth. When you read to them, make funny voices for characters in the stories. Go out in the rain and splash in the puddles. Play with your kids: Do whatever you like to do that makes everyone laugh and enjoy themselves.Paying attention to the positives creates a family atmosphere that nurtures our children’s resilience and shows them how to be a positive force in the world. Show interest in what they are interested in. Notice when they have made their best effort and when they have been kind or generous or forgiving. If a child is to be emotionally healthy and strong, those times need to be over-balanced with positive comments from those who love them. Notice and highlight positive attributes and behaviors: There are plenty of opportunities to correct, reprimand or discipline a child or teen.As adults those same positive childhood memories will help them weather the inevitable storms of life. During times of stress, those memories help our children and teens remember that things aren’t always challenging or just plain awful. But parents can counteract that power by attending to the creation of positive memories. Negative experiences have a particular and lasting power. Memories happen regardless of what we do. Most likely they were unaware that they were also doing one of the most important jobs of parenting - making positive memories. The parents who brought their families for a day at the beach were probably only looking for a way to cool off and have some fun on a Saturday. (I was delighted to later see him join in a pick-up volleyball game.) There wasn’t a cell phone or tablet in sight - except for one exasperated teenager who was sitting on a bench far from his family, huddled over his smartphone, trying to get reception where there isn’t any. ![]() “Marco!” “Polo!” One group of preteens was playfully frustrating the kid who was “it”. Older kids were building sand castles or splashing in the water with their dads or moms. Adults, knee-deep in water shared comments and jokes with each other while they watched over the toddler set. ![]() Kids, being kids, joined in each other’s games. ![]()
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